Pittsford Seafood Market

Phil and I sometimes go to the Pittsford Seafood Market, usually for the Fish Fry Special.  In terms of food quality and taste, it's not the best we've ever had, but it's not the worst either.  In terms of service... well, that's another story.  In fact, it's this one:

The Fish Fry Special is few chunks of battered and deep-fried unspecified white fish, your choice of cole slaw or macaroni salad, and fries.  It comes to you artfully presented with ketchup packets and tartar sauce tubs, all placed within a standard three-well plastic container.  Bon appetit!  Yes, it's exactly the same thing you can get dozens of other places in the city.  The difference?  You're here and not there.

I don't like their fries.  Their onion rings are better.  So what I want is their Fish Fry Special with onion rings instead.  Nope.  Can't do it.  It's impossible.  The very concept is insane.  A Fish Fry Special without fries but with onion rings?  Wouldn't that cause a rip in the fabric of space and time?

I'm told the reason is that onion rings are more expensive than fries.  Okay, I can understand that.  I'm not unreasonable.  I'm not trying to rip them off.  I'm not trying to steal money from them so they go homeless and their children starve.  So I offer what I think is a fair solution-- charge me extra for the onion rings.  Just take the difference and tack that on the bill.  Nope.  Can't do it.  It's impossible.  That kind of math requires advanced Calculus and the batteries in their TI-89 just died.

Usually at this point, Phil interjects and says that what I really want is a Fish Fry Special with a separate order of onion rings.  Thanks Phil for being helpful, but no, you're wrong too.  I don't want the goddamn fries.  I won't eat them.  They will go to waste.  Just please, give me what I want!  I don't care how you do it!  Just make it happen!

The last time we were there, the woman taking my order thought she had a solution.  She separately weighed fish and onion rings, put them in the same three-well plastic container, and wrote the individual prices of each on the outside.  Missing was my macaroni salad.  Apparently, the inclusion of the macaroni salad would have been too close to the Fish Fry Special, and that would cause the floor to crack open with a thousand demons springing forth.

So here is how it is going to work the next time Phil and I go there.  I'm not going to say the words "Fish Fry Special" at all.  I'm going to order each item a la carte.  I'll order fish.  I'll order onion rings.  I'll order macaroni salad.  And I'll kindly suggest to them that instead of separate packages for each, they could use one of those handy three-welled plastic containers.  And I swear, if one of them says to me, "oh, like a Fish Fry Special but with onion rings," Phil better hold me back because someone is going to die.